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Yes, More Funniest T-Shirts of 2001

by Bob Levey

By popular demand, here are more samples from that famed collection, Funniest T-Shirts of 2001.

Many thanks to you readers for submitting them.

"Don't Make Me Put My Hand on My Hip" – Matthew Randall, of Annandale.

"Chaos! Panic! Disorder! My Work Here Is Done!" – Glenn Krol, of Annandale.

(Aboard a mother who was squiring two children around) "Touch Nothing, and Don't Ask for Anything" – Dee-Dee Carr.

(Aboard a small boy) "Chip Off the Old Block" – (Aboard the man beside him) "Old Block" – Cheryl Anne Forster, of Myersville, Md.

"I Can Fix Anything – Where's the Duct Tape?" – Fred and Betty Bullock.

"Dinner Is Ready When the Smoke Alarm Goes Off" – Bernice Gunderson, of Jersey City, N.J.

(Thought balloon from a horse that's looking wistfully at a farmer in an adjacent field) "Go Ahead, Make My Hay" – Christy Jo Parnell.

"Rehab Is for Quitters!" – Randi Gray Kristensen, of Takoma Park.

"I'm Only Wearing Black Until They Find Something Darker" – an e- mailer named Mindhacker4now.

"If the Right Side of the Brain Governs the Left Side of the Body, Then Left-Handed People Are the Only Ones in Their Right Minds!" – Kenn Holmberg.

"Body by Beer" – Pat Firey, of Oakton.

"My Cat Kneads Me" – Steve Saunders.

"America Is a Wonderful Country – Even a C Student Can Become President" – Murray Spitzer, of Bethesda.

"Dad Knows a Lot, But Grandpa Knows EVERYTHING!" – Ida Beach.

"From the Desk of Toto: Dear Dorothy – Hate Oz, Took the Shoes, Find Your Own Way Home!" – Alice in Alexandria.

"Summer in Nags Head – Some Are Not" – Faith Holcombe.

"Here I Am – Now What Are Your Other Two Wishes?" – Vera Rausch, of Rockville.

"24 Hours in a Day, 24 Beers in a Case – Coincidence?" – Mike Cook, of Bowie, who says he saw it in Texas.

"I Don't Think Much – Therefore, I May Not Be" – spotted in Boston by a reader who asks to remain anonymous.

"When Your Dreams Turn to Dust, Vacuum" – Sharon Lockett.

"I Got This T-Shirt for My Husband – Pretty Good Trade, Huh?" – Mimi Hook, who saw it on the boardwalk at Atlantic City.

"God Made a Few Perfect Heads – All the Rest He Covered With Hair" – Hyman Berg, of Silver Spring.

"I'm from the Nation's Capital – Nobody's Perfect" – Bernard Yaboff, of Bethesda.

"To Err Is Human – To Really Screw Up, You Need a Computer" – Brother Yaboff again.

"The Weaker Sex Is the Stronger Sex Because of the Weakness of the Stronger Sex for the Weaker Sex" – Yaboff again.

"Out of Body – Back in Ten Minutes" – Karen Rezneck.

"Where There's a Will... I Want to Be in It" – Karen Rezneck again.

"Always Remember You're Unique – Just Like Everyone Else" – Karen again.

"Keep Grandma Off the Streets – Take Her to Bingo" – Hazel A. Garland, of Edgewater, Md.

"Can You Imagine a World Without Men? No Crime, and Lots of Happy, Fat Women" – Hazel again.

"In Dog Years, I'm Dead" – Rachel Friend, of Burke.

(Aboard a toddler) "How's My Walking? Call 1-800-GOODKID" – Wallace Parr.

"Remember, You Either Find Time to Exercise or You'll Have to Find Time to Be Sick" – Syd Barr, of Dunkirk, Md.

(Aboard a man walking along a beach in South Florida) "Will Work for Food" – (Aboard the woman walking beside him) "Will Not Work for Anything" – Collins McCall, of Hempstead, N.Y.

A matched set spotted in the window of a store in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., by Susan Cameron: One T-shirt that said, "Don't Yell at Me!" and a companion that said, "I'm Not Yelling!"

"Don't Worry, It Only Seems Kinky the First Time" – Harry Wendelsdorf, of Baltimore.

"The Quickest Way to Double Your Money Is to Fold It in Half and Put It in Your Pocket" – Michael Mandelbaum, of Bowie.

"Before You Criticize Someone, You Should Walk a Mile in Their Shoes – That Way, When You Criticize Them, You're a Mile Away and You Have a New Pair of Shoes" – Mabel Modigliani, of Glen Burnie, Md.

"Experience Is Something You Don't Get Until Just After You Need It" – Bill Wilson, of Northwest Washington.

"I Bent the Rules and the Rules Won" – Gary Turchin.

This shirt's a big seller on the campus of Hood College in Frederick, according to Steve Bauman, whose wife went there and bought one. On the front, it says, "A Hood Girl Is a Good Girl." On the back, it says, "The Bad Ones Are Even Better."

(Aboard a mechanic in Bethesda who must have weighed 350 pounds) "Big Happens."

And finally... "I'm a Consultant – You Have to Pay to Talk to Me" – Mike Usdan.

© 2001 Bob Levey (leveyb@washpost.com).
This article is reproduced with the kind permission of the author.


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