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Another Batch: Funniest T-Shirts of 2002by Bob Levey
Yes, more. The files are still groaning with funny T-shirt slogans that you readers submitted. Yesterday, we published a few of the funniest. Today, we publish another bumper crop.
"Doesn't Play Well With Others" – Ann Van Aken.
"Choose Your Sick Days Carefully" – The Monaghan family.
"Summer in Nags Head, Some Are Not" – Faith Holcombe.
ABOARD A BABY: "Party, My Crib, 2 a.m." – an e-mailer named DTynan1.
ABOARD A 3-YEAR-OLD: "My Mom Calls Me No! No! But My Grandma Calls Me Sweetie" – Ann D. Ketter.
ABOARD A VERY LARGE MAN: "Congratulate Me, I Used to Be Anorexic" – Wayne Alberts.
ABOARD MANY FOLKS IN ST. LOUIS, according to Adrian Cronauer: "Schlafley Beer – It's Not Just for Breakfast Any More."
ABOARD A MAN AT THE BEACH WHO WAS BALD: "I'm Too Sexy for My Hair, That's Why It Isn't There" – Todd Goren.
"I Get Enough Exercise Just Pushing My Luck" – Cyndy Hogan of Centreville, who pushed her luck by buying this one for her husband.
"Ran Into My Ex – Put It in Reverse and Hit Him Again!" – an e-mailer who reveals, helpfully, that she is divorced.
"Statistics Means Never Having to Say You're Certain" – Lori Curtis.
"Got Rid of the Kids, the Cat Was Allergic" – an e-mailer named Robin.
"Where Are We Going? Why Am I in This Handbasket?" – Vera Rausch of Rockville.
"I Am Not a Pack Rat – I Am a Collector" – Valerie Montanez of New York City, who admits that she's both.
"I'm So Great I'm Jealous of Myself" – Joan E. Runge of Columbia.
"I've Been on So Many Blind Dates That I Should Get a Free Dog" – Joan Runge again.
"Due to Budget Cuts, the Light at the End of the Tunnel Has Been Cut Off" – Mary-Catherine Calvert of Northwest Washington.
"I Wish the Buck Stopped Here – I Could Use a Few" – Mary-Catherine Calvert again.
"Where There's a Will, I Want to Be in It" – Fernando Rivas of Fairfax.
"Yes, Dear" – Charles Roberson of Oakton, who says he bought one for himself before his wife could do it.
"This Is Not the Life I Ordered" – Becky Smith of Alexandria.
"Clinton/Gore 2004" – Deborah DeBlaine.
"Beer Is Proof That God Loves Us and Wants Us to Be Happy" – Phil Marciola of Elizabeth, N.J.
"I Am the Only Hell That My Mother Ever Raised" – Jesse Howard of Southeast Washington.
"My Wild Oats Have Turned to Oat Bran" – Richard Smith of Springfield.
"Out of My Mind – Will Be Back Shortly" – Richard Smith again.
"How Long a Minute Is Depends on Which Side of the Bathroom Door You're On" – Jenny McCarthy of Northwest Washington.
"If You Can't Speak Softly, Just Use the Stick" – Bill Bertell of Northwest Washington.
"I Married Mr. Right, But I Didn't Know His First Name Was Always" – Ann Murphy of Burke.
"Alimony: A System Whereby Two People Make a Mistake and One of Them Continues to Pay for It" – Paul Jones of Baltimore, who notes that he has no ex-wives.
"Waiting For Mr. Right" – Pam Leary of Falls Church, who says the shirt gets a lot funnier when you realize that the figure on the front of it is a skeleton.
"What Part of Eelymosynary Ratiocination Do You Not Understand?" – Day Walters of Northwest Washington.
"Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart" – Marion F. Giaimo of Arlington.
"Shin: A Device for Finding Furniture in the Dark" – Anonymous.
"I'm Not Cynical – Just Experienced" – Anonymous again.
"Today Was a Total Waste of Makeup" – Christa Himmelmann.
"Do You Want to Talk to the Man in Charge, or to the Woman Who Knows What's Going On?" – Christa Himmelmann again.
"Stop Following Me – I'm Not a Shoplifter" – Jennifer Meyer.
"I Didn't Climb to the Top of the Food Chain to Be a Vegetarian" – Elizabeth Harvey.
"You Have the Right to Remain Silent, So Please Shut Up!" – Roy Dickstein.
"Either Find the Time for Exercise or Find the Time to Be Sick" – Sydney Ann Barr of Dunkirk, Md.
"Unproductive People Revolve Around the Earth at the Same Speed as Productive People" – Kendra Riggs.
"I Know About Stressed – It's Desserts Spelled Backwards" – Reginald B. Greenson.
"Going Downhill Is Uphill Work" – Parker Mills of Charlottesville.
"I'd Kill for a Nobel Peace Prize" – Bronwyn Lance Chester of Norfolk.
"What's the Difference Between In-Laws and Outlaws? Outlaws Are Wanted" – Anonymous voice mailer.
"I Have the Body of a God. Unfortunately the God Is Buddha" – Nora Keating.
"Shut Up and Paddle" – Mary Bailey of Silver Spring, who saw it aboard a camper at Camp UniStar in Cass Lake, Minn.
To contact Bob Levey:
© 2002 Bob Levey (email@example.com).
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